the edge

hello:D

i'm not very happy now):
i really want juniors, really.
its that awesome and warm feeling you get when you see a bonded team together,
like how close they are to each other, like a complete family.
but now, it all ends here.
it really isn't pleasant to know everyone's getting juniors but not you.
isn't it a part of sec school, the junior-senior relationship?
but somehow i can't get it
why do things like this always happen?
i knew this news quite long ago actually,
but i guess it only really came in recently since the sec1 cca tryouts started.
it's really quite saddening..

then again the amount of effort put in for tennis,
i don't wish to see it stop.
fair enough that it only ends after my batch,
but have i thought about what will happen when mine comes to be the LAST?
now we've more people, eveything's reduced,
when ours come to be the last, it all falls back again, harder.
mummy said that's why i need to get out of cedar.
but i'm starting to like cedar, the people.
so the thought doesn't seem to appealing
but it looks only right.

i haven't been feeling very nice to make my parents pay so much,
like what's all this for?
simply, just for me.
they don't get anything back from me
and sometimes instead even tired days home with endless quarrels.
i'm really thankful they're doing all this just for me,
for me to enjoy,
to see me happy doing what i like.
i appreciate it,
because i know money's hard to come by and so is this relationship.
thank you (:

i haven't decided if i'm going to transfer school
for now, i'll just buck up on my results first.

i feel bad,
i really do :/








i could just cry thinking about these, i almost did):