it's time to wake up ideas

tessa is tired ):
(and has started to brood over her awful results again D:)


this exam's has practically been an absolute failure, or that's at least what i feel -- totally insecure and unstable. IP's tough, i've been warned. am i taking it too lightly?
how "it's okay"s, "you can always try harder next time, don't be too sad"s, "it's just your first test, take it easy, you've still got lots of time to catch up. i'm sure you can do it"s, seem too politically correct reactions. but the fact is, no, it's not okay, it never is. what if something happens, and i am left to depend on my current results for the year, what if i never seem to get it right, what if.. i don't want to be stuck with this. you know how horrible it feels to know that you're the ones, the few, who actually caused the class average to be pulled down? i hope to do well, just like everyone else. i hope we all progress together in friendly competition, and when we fall behind, at the very least, can look back and say 'i really did my best, it's already good enough', but working harder again is still necessary.

i will start with a resolution, and pursue it, fulfil it.


but for now, i'll be thinking why i am in NJ..