hole in the heart

Boarding life shuts me out. I hardly get to contact people and stay in touch with ongoing events, which can get pretty annoying. Technology has that disadvantage- Once one depends too much on it, you're nothing without it. With limitations of access to it now, it's a pretty loserish feeling. Then i ponder, what would the world be without televisions, computers, handphones and such at all, from the very beginning? Maybe, we'll be understanding one another much better than what we perceive we know of them as of now. But if it were to come and go, like what i'm somewhat experiencing now, than it sucks. I'd seriously prefer if they never existed at all. It's hard to get back on track from where you don't even know you left off. As a result, confusion lurks in again.

Yea, sometimes, i don't know what i'm doing with my life, which includes the very moment, now. Recounting, i really have no idea why i've chosen certain options and not others at times, which just seems foolish upon reflection. But the question is, why didn't it then? Heat/spur of the moment?

But for one, i'm sure glad i went to Nj and am very thankful to my parents for managing to work their way into convincing me to accept the offer. hahah i like the way they teach here, though it isn't easy at all, involving alot of self-initiated research and reading up. But that used to be the way i loved to study, because it made me think and question, forcing me to learn interpretation, induction and inference skills, letting things last in my memory for a longer period of time; as compared to blind memorising techniques which does not involve any processing and understanding of information and could be easily forgotten. By such, there'd be no point to study in the first place. But due to what i cannot remember, i guess i lost that passion of inquiry midway and so fall back to the conventional ideals and ways. Quite a pity.

"Intelligent people are those who can apply whatever they learn, and not merely just speak of it."

But together with the lost inquiry flame, i guess i lost alot of other things too- the driving force, the adventurous spirit, the lively self. And so, i'm hoping to reconstruct my life, on my journey to rediscover and search for some lost stuff, which i shan't go into details of because they're rather obvious to me which i than believe does not require my delibrate musing of it here. So where i am now, is prolly only Bukit Timah Hill height, and i've got a whole Himalayans Mountain range wide area to cover, so i'd better start soon. But things can't get back to how they were exactly in the past, so i'm just hoping for an improvement i guess. Afterall, this quest would never end til the end of this lifetime of mine, and i'll working on mending this hole in the heart til the very last breath.



Anwy, flare for WWII stuff now :D