Taking time to realise

Often, i'd tell myself after each and every semester and term that i would do well and better; i would stop failing and improve my grades. But just as often, i see the cycle repeating itself; me brooding over the unwelcomed guest, figuring out why it never seems to end. I'm still trying (through countless failures) to identify the mistakes and resuract the problem, but i guess sometimes knowing it inside yourself isn't good enough. Sometimes you need people to point it out to you, no matter how ugly or cruel the words might seem, cause knowing it yourself doesn't knock it hard and deep enough inside your brain and make you realise, while the impression somehow lasts longer and deeper if it's fused with others in it.

Well i guess i just have to accept it, that some people are naturally born smart, and i'm just not one of them. Which means that in order to compete, i've to put in double, or maybe even multiple times, the effort they do. Well, results comes with effort, and as cliche as it goes, 'you reap what you sow', these results come with a price. And just as it repeats, i will work harder for the next term and buckle up, and hopefully, just hopefully, i'll be able to score better. Gambate.

Yea, i've thought about it, forget about the brooding, scolding, self-mutilation, self-pity kinda crap, it might work to let it out for a while, but it'll never solve the problem in the end. Life still goes on and the stains still there, even if i continue wallowing on my sorrow, leaving me further behind. So the only possible route to continue is to strive on and keep up. I guess that's one of the natural drives life puts forth on me to perserve.

I like how Mrs Tan talked to us the other day, how see reasoned and sounded us out. It made it seem alittle foolish but girls being girls. haha Well, at least it worked, and snapped me outta it, and made me think, so yea. haha

So now i'm back home enjoying my rock solid internet connection, and embracing the weekend with arms outstretched. I love Home (:



Ironically, while i'm so glad that i'm home, i started unpacking whatever i brought back to do, and repacking and organising my stuff that's to be brought to back to boarding. I just hope this' a sign of new-found direction and confidence to strive forward.


QOTW: 'We will mole your future'