Sigh.

You know that feeling when you feel scared; scared that you will disappoint someone, scared that you will disappoint yourself, scared that you will not be able to complete your paper, scared that because you didnt manage to cover all the material that is to be tested, you decide the spot questions and rely on your lack of reliability, scared of the thousand and one things to be scared for,

And then remember that your teachers once said that cramming everything in at the last minute will do no help at all, that the exam is more important then you think it is, that you should try to do well to give your teachers something to hold on to over the holidays,

But you still try: try to cram everything in, remembering the dates, events, effects, reasons, complexity and toss them around to try to facilitate understanding,

But you get scared again just by seeing pictures of how much notes your friends have made, thinking about how much more prepared they are and seem to be, how they could be studying and absorbing materials so much faster/better/stronger than you and you freak out,

But you still try: try to stay up a little later to go through some more lectures, try to calm your enormously anxious and worried heart, to put your head in the game (notes) and stop speculating, to focus and just keep going,

And then you enter the exam hall,
Receive your paper,
Write,
Keep writing,
And writing,
And just keep writing,
And writing,
And hoping that whatever you have written is relevant,

Whilst guarding your insecurities,

Then the bell goes,
And you hand up your script,
And pick up your bag
And exit the hall,

And hate yourself for submitting the worst script ever in your life.


But at least you tried.


I hope she doesn't hate me tmr.